Girl Scouts and Their Sneaky Cookies
Girl Scout Cookies create a season unto themselves. A season where cookies are meagerly filled into disproportionately large boxes. A season where competitive parents overwhelm the supposed entrepreneurship of young girls selling cookies to strangers. A season of debate for the dessert consumers of America about the champion of what are at best average, processed cookies. Drahms.
With that, I present to you A Skeptic’s Crit of The Premiere Girl Scout Cookies:
The Thin Mint: A dehydrated composite of the York Peppermint Pattie and the Kit Kat. Inexplicably, the masses always elect this measly wafer as their GSCOC (Girl Scout Cookie Of Choice). I am not impressed by the weak hint of mint flavouring, the crumbly interior, and the tasteless chocolate coating.
The Samoa: Many a self-proclaimed “sophisticated GSC consumer” (please) have contributed to the dramatically overrated Thin Mint runner-up. With the promising ingredient list of chocolate, caramel, and coconut flakes, one would presume these cookies would be chewy and delicious. Except for the part where they’re not. The non-chocolate version of the superfluous crumbly wafer inside the Thin Mint wreaks havoc on the potential of yet another cookie. And then the deceitfully prominent good parts are just rolled around on top of it. Such a shame.
The Peanut Butter Thing That Doesn’t Have a Consistent Name: What is this? No really, I don’t understand. At first bite you might think you had a bite of toffee but then it’s sorely not toffee and it’s really this fake-peanut buttery mess that’s cakey and brittle at the same time in a texturally incompatible way.
The Lemonade: The exemplar, underrated star of the GSC line. This one is more interesting than the basic Shortbread/Trefoil, and far more addictive than the Lemonade’s chocolate underbellied counterpart, the Thanks-A-Lot (rusrsritenao who does this?). Barely citrus, I can ignore the flagrant lie that is the name because they’re actually kinda tasty.
But, you know. That’s me. The one who hasn’t had a single Girl Scout Cookie all year, and the one obsessed with lemon-filled doughnuts. So what do I know.